​​It is with mixed emotions that we must announce the end of this project for Jonathan and Maggie.  We are greatly relieved that Maggie’s husband has made a full recovery.  We are thrilled that Maggie has found two new jobs that fulfill and inspire her.  We are disappointed, however, that Maggie will simply not have the time to continue to collaborate on Jonathan’s new work.

So here we are at a turn in the road.  Uncertainty abounds:  Who will Jonathan find to replace Maggie?  How will it feel to continue developing the material with a new dancer?  When will Jonathan feel ready to resume this work?

For Process in Real Time, this solo was our first project.  We’ve been immersed in the psychological, technical, and contextual dynamics influencing the development of the dance.  Will we have the chance to continue our exploration any time soon – if ever?

On a personal level, Jonathan will miss working with Maggie on a regular basis.  He loved their collaboration and, with it, their deepening  friendship.  It was a joy to work with such a kind, thoughtful, and generous colleague.

These feelings are mitigated somewhat by his enthusiasm for his new endeavor, Second Story Dance Project.  Also, Jonathan is relieved that he and Maggie completed the first part of the solo, so he is able to move forward with a finished section and no incomplete material.

At this time, we don’t yet know which direction we will choose, but we’ll try to let the journey proceed organically.

With best wishes to Maggie and her family and gratitude for an enriching experience,

​Sherri and Jonathan

​We can really see the myriad internal experiences and external circumstances that are shaping the development of Jonathan’s work with Maggie. 
 
​
Medical issues predominate during this unexpected interruption in the creation of the solo. The stress of serious illnesses and medical events has been enervating for both Jonathan and Maggie.  They have been attending to the ongoing health needs of close family members while confronting a great deal of uncertainty about both diagnoses and prognoses.  The physical responsibilities of caretaking coupled with the attendant fear, sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion have been quite challenging.  Besides navigating the crises, they must still take care of household and child care needs.  Clearly, they have had no choice but to suspend rehearsals indefinitely.
 
For the moment, Jonathan and Maggie have lost a key creative outlet, and the momentum fueling their progress has stalled.  Both partners wonder how these developments will impact their artistic collaboration moving forward.  Will they simply pick up where they left off?  Will a period of review be required?  How quickly will they find their working rhythm?  Will they re-examine their ideas about how to best convey the key themes of the piece?
​
Stay tuned as the process continues.

KEY MEDICAL HIGHLIGHTS

• ​Edgar is sick, cutting into the time Jonathan carved out to prepare for his Purchase classes.
• Eliza hurts her knee playing with a toy while Jonathan is at rehearsal for his other dance project.  It is difficult to determine the nature/extent of the injury, but Eliza is unable to place weight on one leg for a few hours.  Jonathan is able to finish rehearsal and schedule a doctor’s appointment for early afternoon.  Running late with the kids, Jonathan nearly misses the appointment.  Fortunately, the doctor determines that Eliza is not seriously injured, but advises Jonathan to monitor her movements to assess lingering issues.
• During this near-emergency, Jonathan’s family members try unsuccessfully to reach him.  Once he has seen the doctor, Jonathan is able to answer one of these calls – only to find out that his mother has had a stroke and is in the hospital.  Jonathan’s sister found his mother several hours after the episode.  Once Jonathan’s wife is able to get home from her job in NYC and stay with the kids, Jonathan goes to see his mother in the hospital.  Raised to meet adversity with a positive attitude, Jonathan maintains his calm throughout this crisis.  The doctors are optimistic that his mother will recover, assuming she responds well to the therapy she will undergo.  Of course, the long-term prognosis is unclear at this point.  It is only when Jonathan drives home from the hospital that he is able to access his feelings of sadness and fear.
• As he is about to leave for the hospital the next morning, Jonathan discovers that Eliza has a fever and stomach upset.  He stays in touch with the babysitter to monitor Eliza’s health as he visits with his mother.  Upon his return, he concludes she likely has a nasty virus.  The ensuing week is miserable for both father and child.
• Once Eliza finally recovers, Edgar gets sick again.
• Clearly, Jonathan is swept up in a whirlwind of crises and related emotions in a condensed period of time.

• Maggie’s husband is finally home from the hospital, but is still on intravenous antibiotics.  Fortunately, Maggie reports daily improvements in his health.

 
​
We are also reminded that life evokes the full spectrum of emotional experiences – often at the same time.  So right alongside the challenges are personal and artistic developments that engender in Jonathan an increasingly grounded sense of self.  He is better able to acknowledge his creative needs and commit to feeding them – even if he is not quite sure what that will look like.  Consequently, he has allowed himself to capitalize on and develop artistic opportunities that are already bringing him joy and creative fulfillment.

He is acting on his inclinations and asserting his ideas despite the uncertainty about his colleagues’ reception to them.  He also experiences less self-doubt and angst when allowing his internal compass to guide his process.

Jonathan and Sherri repeatedly challenge his preconceived ideas about his personal and professional roles and approaches.  Identifying the “shoulds” Jonathan has inculcated and contrasting them with the messages emanating from his core helps him carve paths that are truly authentic.
​ 
It has been a process consisting of intermittent, incremental steps, but we can now take a retrospective look at the progress – and see that the bits and pieces of creative re-animation are coalescing into a creative self filled with richness and possibility.

• ​Jonathan is reconstructing his website to highlight his new professional endeavors and better reflect the context he now operates in.  Like many aspects of his life, it is a work in progress.
• Jonathan remains committed to getting back into shape and approaching weight loss and exercise in healthy ways.  He is thrilled with his progress.  His holistic development has physical, psychological, and artistic dimensions, each reinforcing the other.
• Given his family’s health problems, Jonathan barely has time to prepare for his Purchase dance class.  He wisely reaches out to the Purchase administration for assistance with paperwork that must be ready in time for the first class.  Bolstered by the university’s support, Jonathan begins teaching his Intro to Modern class for non-majors at Purchase College.  He is surprised and delighted to discover that nearly all of his 30 students have had prior dance experience.  Not only do they have a frame of reference, they immediately exhibit a built-in passion for dance.  Consequently, Jonathan is able to teach at a higher level and utilize more creative approaches.
• At the last minute, Jonathan is asked to substitute teach the first half of the first day of a modern dance placement class for juniors at Purchase.  Although he generally teaches dance BFA students, he hasn’t done so in 1 ½ years.  Nevertheless, he is able to lead a clear, focused class with challenging material.  The students essentially receive a “Jonathan Riedel crash course.”  Both the students and faculty in attendance seem to love Jonathan’s work.  He feels a wonderful sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
• Returning to Purchase is a terrific experience.  Jonathan attends a conservatory-wide meeting and feels great to be included.  The faculty – most of whom he has known for a long time – are warm and gracious.  He is treated like a respected faculty member.  As Jonathan explains, “It feels so good to be in those halls again!”
• Jonathan’s other dance project is beginning to take shape.  Called Second Story, this group of dance professionals who are also primary caregivers are fashioning for themselves a new way to feed their creative needs while nurturing their families.  Based on their actual collective, moment-to-moment experiences, they are developing a fluid environment in which they alternately lead warm-up “classes” for one another and collaborate on 2 new duets.  Members spontaneously exchange ideas…engage in a continual give-and-take dynamic…discard traditional structure and approaches to professional dance work…focus on qualitative details…explore a variety of complex themes that permeate this new chapter of their lives.  A growing camaraderie and sense of trust facilitates risk-taking.  Jonathan and his colleagues are gaining clarity about the nature of the collaboration, the identity of the group, the roles of its members, and the type of work they want to create.

 

​Of course, we will always wrestle with constantly changing dynamics; we are reminded that life is not a smooth, straight line, but more like a 3-dimensional zig zag.

​We have seen this play out in high relief with regard to Jonathan’s child care situation.  Potential babysitters don’t show up for interviews.  Intricate, barter-like arrangements are made with other parents.  Changing circumstances for family members affect their availability to watch the kids.  Financial details threaten to derail child care plans with a favored caregiver.  Jonathan must repeatedly adjust to each development, devising creative – if less than ideal – solutions.   

Once again, Jonathan and Maggie grapple with many unanticipated obstacles.

• Maggie doesn’t know when she can return to work on the solo since she must focus on helping her husband recover from a serious illness.
• Jonathan is unable to work on the piece during the previously scheduled August 3rd session due to a medical procedure.
• Jonathan is scheduled to teach two university dance classes each week in the fall.  However, his child care provider informed him that she can’t cover the second class each week.  As a result, he has to scramble to find alternate coverage.  The process is like a roller coaster ride.  His initial concern is that he will lose the job if he can’t find coverage.  In the interest of full disclosure, Jonathan informs the university of the situation.  He is given a few days to figure out a new arrangement.  Relieved that he has some extra time but nervous about the process, Jonathan contacts several nannies and mothers for recommendations.  Ultimately, the mother of Jonathan’s son’s friend agrees to watch Edgar in exchange for Jonathan watching Edgar’s friend on another day.  Jonathan’s mother will stay with Eliza while Jonathan is at work. 
• He is again thrown into turmoil when it becomes evident that he can't have his mother watch Eliza as he can't fit the commute time to his mother's house into his schedule.  Fortunately, the university believes that one of the students will be able to babysit for Eliza on the premises.  Jonathan’s fingers are crossed as he anxiously awaits the final outcome of this saga.
• The entire content of Jonathan’s website disappears when he tries to update it to a new format.  Sherri encourages him to contact his website host for help in recovering the site.  Jonathan concedes this is a good idea since the website contains so much of his professional history and required so much work to build.  The process is a bit tricky, but ultimately the host is able to restore the website.
• Jonathan and Sherri are learning the “ins and outs” of artistic copyright issues.
• Jonathan and his wife experience a Lyme disease scare with their daughter.  Fortunately, the tests are negative, and Eliza is now healthy.
• He has great fun hosting international guests for a week, but is unable to work on his creative pursuits during this time.

On the other hand, the August 3rd and August 10th missed rehearsals free up time for strategic planning and reflection.

• Jonathan uses the August 10th session to work on his new website, process with Sherri, and complete Process in Real Time tasks.
• Jonathan is taking a step back to strategically assess the artistic projects he is involved in and re-imagine the scope of his company.  As the current creative endeavors unfold organically, he wonders to what extent his leadership should drive decisions vs. allowing decisions to evolve from a collaborative process.
• The potential new business venture is temporarily on hold.  Jonathan is not particularly upset by this development as he has so much on his plate right now.
• Jonathan is struggling to figure out how to logistically juggle multiple creative projects and family responsibilities.
• Jonathan and his dancer/parent colleagues decide to continue their weekly get-togethers and see what develops.  Jonathan is excited by the possibilities of their collaboration and is allowing the process to unfold organically.
• Jonathan is always exploring ways in which subtle technical changes impact the emotional and psychological aspects of the work and shift the audience’s perception of the piece.
• While processing with Sherri, Jonathan gains insight into his creative needs:

1. They NEED to be addressed – somehow – now.
2. They are as potent – and deserving of attention – as ever, regardless of context.
3. Finding unconventional – even innovative – outlets for them are just as valuable – if not more so – than following typical professional avenues.

• These revelations help him chip away at the preconceived idea that your art is only valuable if it is produced in a company environment or is the byproduct of a “grand” endeavor.  Rather, engagement in ANY artistic experience for ANY length of time is equally as valuable as more “conventional” pursuits.  This is especially important for artists for whom parenting demands mean constant work interruptions and limited time to create.
• Moreover, as Sherri conceptualizes it, EVERY step along the path of a creative journey is a valuable work of art unto itself.  This idea challenges the notion that only the end product is the work of art.  

​SHERRI

• Both Maggie and Jonathan have child care today, so there are no kids at rehearsal.
• Warm-up is more substantial today.  On one side of the studio, Maggie listens to piano music she uses when guest teaching Cunningham classes.  On the other side, Jonathan goes through his warm-up routine without music as, on this particular day, he finds it to be distracting.

 
JONATHAN

• Jonathan goes through the most recent rehearsal video and clarifies/modifies various phrases.  He demonstrates his ideas, and Maggie tries out movements in accordance with his direction.  Only by watching Maggie bring the material to life can Jonathan determine whether the movements are right for the piece.  He then makes adjustments as needed.
• In one particular phrase in which one arm caresses the other, Jonathan clarifies arm and hand details, emphasizing differences in energy for each arm.
• In another phrase featuring side leg lifts, Jonathan asks Maggie to play with her upper body being “off kilter” when she executes her turns.
• Jonathan offers notes on emotional expression for many of the phrases.
• Focuses on quality of arm movement execution and adds new gestures in another phrase.
• Introduces more visual interest and emotional impact at a certain point in the narrative, then scales back -- for example, adds a single flip of one hand and asks for fewer face wipes.
• Offers images to help Maggie envision how to execute movements.  One example regarding the texture of the fingers:  imagine air moving through the fingers.
• Jonathan wants to change arm movements during the lunging sequence.  He plays with different “designs” -- hand, finger, and arm positioning and timing.
• Jonathan asks Maggie to sink her hips more with each position change.
• Jonathan’s notes for the final phrase concluding Section 1:

1. Requests a shift in Maggie’s execution of the final relevé.
2. Gives highly detailed directions about how she wipes her face with her hand.
3. Makes change in timing and quality of final arm movements.

• Asks Maggie to try a run-through incorporating these changes. 

1. At an early point in the run-through, Jonathan stops the music, realizing he wants more dynamic and textural changes in the first hand flipping phrases.
2. Maggie notes that she is getting caught up in quality of the hand movements and forgetting the sequence of them.
3. With dynamic changes in play, Maggie and Jonathan realize they now have a bit of extra time requiring more choreography.

• He films final run-through and expresses satisfaction with Maggie’s execution.
• Jonathan plans to start choreographing the next section in the next rehearsal.  Notes that the music for the next section is different in mood and tempo; he is trying to figure out how to treat this. Should he show another side of the character?  Or continue to explore the character’s painful longing in a new environment?
• Jonathan wants Maggie to tap into deep emotionality -- but questions: how “extreme” should she take it?  Wants to find emotional balance; recognizes that this takes time.
• Knows he needs to find the right language to communicate what he wants.
• Acknowledges that in future rehearsals, Maggie will need to run the piece repeatedly with fewer or no changes from Jonathan in order to go deeper into the work’s emotion and physicality.  This can be difficult when the choreographer is still making changes.
• Although he is adding visual interest, he takes pains to ensure that it flows from his original intention.
• Always trying to find a balance between stillness and activity.
• Jonathan wants to express the character’s turbulence using a minimalist vocabulary and explore how long someone feeling this upheaval can sustain such outward calm.

 
MAGGIE

• Feeling more muscle soreness today than in previous rehearsals.  Fortunately, the more extensive, individual warm-up helps ease the discomfort.
• After Jonathan introduces the changes, Maggie wants to work on a particular section where she is not feeling secure in her technique.
• Maggie is unable to do the deep lunge section fully due to soreness in her legs.

​JONATHAN

• He doesn’t know when or where this piece will be performed, but is proceeding with its development under the assumption that it will be presented one day.  He is acting “as if,” if you will.
• Realizes that because there is no “end product” date, there is no sense of urgency in his approach to the work.  Yet, he feels he needs some emotional impetus to drive the process.  If a show was scheduled, Jonathan would feel compelled to ensure that the piece really works and would need to see it performed “full out” every time.
• Feels excited about the work they do today, but is disappointed when Maggie is unable to perform “full out” due to her leg discomfort.  This is not abnormal in the process, though. Overall, he thinks this has been a great rehearsal and feels good about his notes and clarifications.
• Jonathan contemplates the way he assesses his dancers’ technical and artistic capabilities.  He asks himself what he knows about their previous work that lets him know they are capable of delivering the performance he is seeking, even if “it’s not all there today.”  When the piece is “not looking right,” Jonathan tries to determine why.  Has he given too many notes?  Is the choreography not quite right?  Are the dancers unable to execute in the way he needs?
• Jonathan entered into this project knowing he would have a limited amount of time to devote to its development, given that he is a full-time caregiver.  Not surprisingly, though, he becomes increasingly invested in the work as the process evolves.  He longs for more rehearsal time and wants to delve deeper and deeper into all aspects of the piece.  He finds himself shifting from a “let’s just see where this goes” mindset to more elaborate ambitions for the presentation of this dance.  As a result, he is torn between wanting to increase his participation in this creative venture and maintaining the boundaries he originally set to ensure he is prioritizing his family’s needs.

 
MAGGIE

• As the process evolves, Maggie is excited about “more layering and the intricacies of the piece.”
• Feels “honored” that Jonathan gives her “artistic freedom” and hopes she doesn’t disappoint him.

​SHERRI

• Prior to this rehearsal, Jonathan carefully reviewed the video of the June 8th rehearsal.  He made extensive notes regarding a wide variety of technical and artistic elements such as:

1. Emotional expression
2. Emotional intentions and choices
3. Feelings that gestures/movements should convey
4. Technical modifications such as:

*Movement clarifications
*Desired execution of movements
*Timing adjustments
*Gestural nuances

• Jonathan sent the notes to Maggie to think about and work on before the next rehearsal (which turned out to be the one today).
• Both Jonathan and Maggie have child care coverage today.
• Jonathan forgets his computer when he leaves home, so he must return to get it -- making him slightly late for rehearsal.
• Difficult to find parking at this studio in Hawthorne.
• Since Maggie is late, Jonathan takes the time to stretch and review the notes he prepared for Maggie.
• Sherri observes that Jonathan and Maggie have brief warm-ups.  They explain that they don’t have time for the more extensive warm-ups that open most professional dance classes.  The warm-ups they do now are the equivalent of the preparation they used to do at home before going to the studio.
• Another pair of dancers enter the studio about half way through rehearsal.  Jonathan didn’t know that the studio had been rented to both pairs at the same time, so they had to rehearse while sharing the space.  Luckily, the studio is large enough to accommodate this, but elements like sharing the sound system and hearing each other’s music while rehearsing is very distracting.  Also, Jonathan has to film the run-through while the other duo is in the background.

JONATHAN

• Works with Maggie on each element outlined in the notes described above to achieve the desired effects:

1. Jonathan wants Maggie’s hand gestures to convey her character’s various considerations.  He encourages her to think about the texture and timing of the hand turnovers, recommending more uneven timing.  Jonathan suggests that Maggie use her “actor’s brain” to create a story.  The artistic decisions she makes based on that invented narrative should inform her performance.
2. In another arm movement sequence, Jonathan suggests that Maggie’s choices about the texture of her hands should inform and/or come out of the narrative she creates about her character.
3. Jonathan is seeking greater extension of Maggie’s arm when she reaches up and wants her to think about the resulting impact on the way her other arm moves.
4. Jonathan uses imagery to obtain a particular result: he wants Maggie to drop down with her legs crossed as if the ground is dropping out beneath her.
5. Jonathan and Maggie do a lot of qualitative work on a particular phrase requiring specific and varied emotional expression.  Jonathan explains that the timing can be very uneven.  At this point in the dance, Jonathan wants Maggie’s character to feel as if she just heard “crazy news that doesn’t make any sense;” she is angry, overwhelmed, confused, uncertain – engulfed by intense emotions.  Following this emotional peak, there is a brief easing of intensity as communicated through slower movements.  Jonathan wants this ebb and flow to continue with a new build-up of tempo and emotional expression.

• Jonathan then suggests that Maggie try to run the piece up to this point incorporating all of these changes.  This enables Jonathan to see how his ideas are expressed through Maggie’s interpretation.
• Following this evaluation, Jonathan gives more notes to Maggie:

1. Works on details of hand and arm placement.
2. Asks Maggie to free up her torso more and initiate turns with her upper body leading her lower body.  Wants the ribs to keep moving.  Would like to see maximum upper body curving as a way to telegraph more of a struggle.
3. Wants her to slightly delay leg lifts in a particular phrase.
4. Works on nuances of another phrase, suggesting erratic flipping of hands, head tilts, and continual change of focus.
5. Reminds Maggie to allow her ribs and emotions to propel her movements.
6. Referring to the segment in which the emotional intensity builds, Jonathan explains that Maggie’s character and her movements should become increasingly frenzied; a staccato energy should emanate from her body and state of mind.

• Jonathan repeatedly looks for dynamic contrasts.
• Trying to find a balance between classical and contemporary choreography.
• Jonathan characterizes their work today as focused on qualitative details such as injection of emotional intention into Maggie’s movements and gestural precision.
• He explains that details are particularly important since this piece is generally sparse.  He notes that with other pieces he is often forced to concentrate more on the “broad strokes” since there is not enough time to identify and refine details.
• Jonathan proposes an interesting concept: the dancer can have an internal idea that she wants the audience to focus on a particular gesture or part of her body, depending upon where she wants the dominant energy to be.  With this intention, she can move the audience’s attention to different parts of her body at will.
• He emphasizes that, once the piece starts, Maggie’s thoughts about her character’s emotional experiences and motivation should inform all of the choreography.
• Jonathan would like Maggie to let movement ideas overlap; one can begin before another one ends.  Such movements would represent overlapping thoughts and unresolved issues.
• Jonathan notes that Maggie has displayed a lot of growth during today’s session.
• Ironically, Jonathan’s intention has been to create a minimalist piece suffused with quiet and stillness.  However, he realizes today that “filling everything out” doesn’t leave much time for stillness.  Might this indicate a shift in his process?

MAGGIE

• Given the long length of the hiatus between the last rehearsal (June 8th) and the one today (July 22nd), Maggie anticipated feeling physically challenged; she hadn’t rehearsed or practiced Pilates for this entire period of time.  She was also concerned that she would not remember all of the material.  Moreover, she confesses she has “been on road trips down south for the last three weeks eating fried green tomatoes!”
• Catches herself when she makes mistakes or forgets choreography.
• Clarifies exact hand placement in a particular sequence.
• Notes that weakness in her legs is presenting some difficulty in executing/holding certain moves.

​JONATHAN

• Characterizes today’s rehearsal as “juicy.”
• He explains that as a choreographer, his inclination is always to keep creating more choreography.  Yet, he loves diving into the details, nuances, and performance choices.  “It’s such a joy to get into the meat.”
• Describes his evolving professional relationship with Maggie.  They are getting to know one another better, achieving a deeper level of intimacy.
• Upon reflection, Jonathan recognizes significant development with regard to both his clarity of vision and Maggie’s depth of understanding.  He anticipates that each subsequent rehearsal will reveal greater depth in these areas.
• Jonathan explains that it is challenging to create and direct/rehearse simultaneously.
• Discusses with Sherri a dilemma he often encounters with regard to allocation of limited time: How much time can he devote to developing certain technical and artistic abilities in his dancers to ensure that his vision is realized?  Or is the time better spent working with his dancers’ unique capabilities and adjusting his vision to capitalize on their strengths?  Jonathan and Sherri remind themselves that a choreographer never creates in a vacuum; it is always a fusion of the vision and the particular dancers through whom the vision is interpreted and realized.  In essence, your dancers are your context.  The creative process is an ever-shifting collaboration between the choreographer and dancers, each with his/her unique talents, perspectives, and experiences.
• In another project, Jonathan is taking the next step in developing his idea to collaborate with professional dance colleagues who are also full-time caregivers.  He plans to meet weekly with two of them to “test the waters” in hopes of creating new works together.  He envisions making a series of “epic” solos with these colleagues.  Their first meeting is planned for next week.  Jonathan is eager to see how this plays out.  As always, though, he worries about the balance between the time he spends working and the time he devotes to parenting.
• Initiated an ongoing conversation with a visual artist with whom he is considering collaborating for his piece with Maggie.  In fact, if this works out, he imagines using this artist’s work in the solos he hopes to make with his dancer/parent colleagues in the project cited above.

MAGGIE

• Feels excited to work again after the long hiatus.  Although she worries about remembering material and finding her return to dancing to be physically challenging, she concludes that the rehearsal is “satisfying and challenging all together!”
• Explains that this solo helps her “stay on track” since the rest of her life feels so scattered, given her status as an artist and a parent.

​Unfortunately, Jonathan and Maggie missed 6 rehearsals due to vacations, studio unavailability, children’s illnesses, and family medical procedures.  During this period of time, Jonathan and Sherri processed many emotional issues and external dynamics that constitute the context within which Jonathan has been operating.  These circumstances will inevitably shape the content of his work and his approach to the rehearsal process.
 

• Even though the June 15th rehearsal was cancelled, Jonathan was anxious to keep working.  Being in the studio with Maggie and the music is his touchstone to his creative self.  So he reviewed the most recent video as a way to touch base with the piece for his “own spirit.”  He also connected with the work by processing various dynamics with Sherri.
• Since he tends to feel angry and sad when his creative plans are thwarted, Jonathan is trying to practice resilience – being able to “roll with the punches.”
• Jonathan began writing poetry while on vacation.  It helped him process a variety of emotions.

• Since Jonathan’s sister-in-law’s studio in Croton-on-Hudson is not available during the summer, Jonathan and Maggie will be able to rehearse in a different studio in Hawthorne.
• Jonathan’s sister-in-law is unable to watch Jonathan’s kids during rehearsals over the summer.  Fortunately, Jonathan found a great child care provider who is available during rehearsal times.
• Jonathan committed to setting and achieving certain body and health goals.  He wants to get back into shape -- “feel like myself again.”  He would like to be strong and flexible enough to “keep up with the kids.”  Tactics include limbering up daily, practicing yin yoga 4 times a week, and losing the weight he gained while “nesting.”  How does he do this?  Simple: Jonathan is on the “I don’t eat that“ diet!  He realized that losing weight required a change in attitude.  Saying “no” to things with a sense of sass allows him to feel good about it; he wants to feel “proud” when saying no to certain foods.  It is not a diet of deprivation; instead, he tries to make healthy food delicious.  The approach is working; Jonathan has lost weight and experienced a decrease in appetite.  Besides, it’s fun to access your inner fierceness.
• Jonathan was offered a university position teaching dance to non-dance majors in the fall.  He wrestles with the pros and cons of the decision:

1. Loves teaching dance.
2. Opportunity for class to provide a pipeline of future dancers for Jonathan’s projects and/or company.
3. Choreography he creates for class may be adapted for use in future pieces.
4. The job would keep Jonathan visible to colleagues and administration.
5. Will he be paid enough to cover child care for this class and still have enough left over for child care for his other projects?
6. Is this how he wants to spend the limited amount of time he has for his creative pursuits?

Ultimately, he decides to take the job.

• Jonathan and his wife Rhonda found a wonderful child care provider who can help free up a little more time for Jonathan to pursue his creative passions.
• Jonathan is consciously trying to plug in to his core and listen more closely to the information that surfaces.  One realization is the importance of him dancing at least 4 times a week -- if not every day.
• While he finds certain dance videos posted on social media to be inspiring, others can trigger a myriad of emotions.  One video that featured the work of a variety of popular, contemporary choreographers was especially difficult to watch.  Jonathan considers some of these choreographers to be among the best in the world; he admires many of them, worked with some of them, and even taught one.  Jonathan imagined that this group of choreographers comprises a sort of “best of” list -- then berated himself for not being on that “list.”
• The potential business venture that Jonathan has been discussing with colleagues seems to be moving forward.  Key foundational elements are taking shape.
• He is considering the formation of a group with former professional dance colleagues who all put dance “on pause” to start families.  They have severe time constraints, but desperately want to remain connected to their artistic core selves.  Early thoughts include taking class together, allowing their kids to run around the studio together, and keeping the process open-ended to see what creative ideas emerge from their collaboration.

 
Jonathan and Sherri discuss the importance of artists who are full-time caregivers having a safe space to process their experiences (both physically and emotionally) and have a crucial creative outlet.  These artists-turned-parents undergo tremendous tumult as they transition to what is truly a new world.  As professional dancers, they are accustomed to pursuing technical virtuosity, working constantly, and committing themselves to projects that involve large amounts of time and, often, travel.  Schedules are frequently changing and somewhat unpredictable.  Maintaining this lifestyle is one thing if you are not married and don’t have a family; it’s quite another when you become a parent.  How can you continue to create AND raise a family under the conditions in which you are used to operating?  While this is a well-documented struggle for ALL working parents, it is especially tricky for artists.  Jonathan and Sherri contemplate the necessity of creating a new paradigm with creative professionals.  They imagine offering a safe, nurturing space in which artists can figure out how to navigate these new waters over time – and do it in the company of supportive colleagues who are all in the same boat.  While the individual details differ, everyone is operating in a new context.  They could collectively explore how to fulfill their creative needs while living under totally new circumstances that usually allow little time for such endeavors.  Jonathan would like to create a supportive environment in Westchester where artists can think outside the box and address these challenges together.
 
A paradigm shift is particularly appropriate for the more “seasoned” artist.  Artistry is developed and refined over a long period of time; dancers and figure skaters, for example, tend to be viewed as “complete” dancers/skaters only when they have inculcated and mastered a high level of artistic expression.  Jonathan and Sherri reason that dancers with families are likely to be at a stage in which they no longer maintain the demanding technical training regimens that characterized their early years in the field.  Therefore, this stage would be the perfect time to concentrate on the development of their artistry.  By approaching their art in a new way, dance professionals might discover that it is indeed possible to raise a family and maintain your artistic identity.
 
Jonathan and Sherri will continue to explore the feasibility of this initiative.  They will also consider documenting the development of this project as part of Process in Real Time.
 

• A local studio that Jonathan has choreographed for and taught at many times has offered him a space grant.  As Jonathan considers this opportunity, he and Sherri imagine the advantages to both Jonathan and the studio of their affiliation -- particularly if Jonathan’s work with professional dancers who are also parents is based in this studio.
• Jonathan confided that he wishes he had established a more “successful” trajectory in the dance field before he left to have a family.  He tends to feel like a “failure” since he took a break from the field before he had achieved his goal of running a “successful” company and being regarded as one of the best modern dance choreographers.  He described being in a state of irritation as he finds himself rubbing up against “the shoulds” when these internalized mandates conflict with his authentic needs.  Together with Sherri, Jonathan started to challenge these preconceived notions.  He realized that his definition of success was an “outside-in” conception based on societal messages and the paths chosen by other people.  Sherri challenged him to realize that he can’t possibly feel grounded in a world that is not a byproduct of his own unique needs and inclinations.  He has been expecting himself to do the same things as someone operating in a completely different context.

 
In fact, now that he is operating in a new context as a parent, his choices will always be shaped by his new circumstances.  He has no choice but to conduct his life differently.  However, Jonathan is starting to look at these dynamics as presenting a great opportunity to travel different paths that derive from a truly authentic place.
 
Moreover, while making meaning of these internal experiences, Jonathan and Sherri observed that Jonathan was conflating “failure” with his understandable disappointment and frustration over challenging contextual dynamics.  For years, Jonathan wrestled with the difficulty of building a sufficient infrastructure for his company and struggled with numerous psychological and logistical impediments.  Tough circumstances?  Yes.  A failure of the self?  No.   

​SHERRI

• Jonathan informs Sherri that following the 9th rehearsal, watching the latest video of the work, he realized that he could cut a complicated phrase he refers to as the denouement.  He had been struggling with this segment over the past few weeks.  Instead, he composes a simple variation on the face wiping gesture from earlier in the piece; he decides that this is a much more effective way to connect the climax of the dance with the ending of the first section.  Jonathan is so excited about this realization that he drives to Maggie’s house to share the news.  Jonathan shows Maggie the new gestures and is gratified by her response: “that’s beautiful!”
• Jonathan’s sister-in-law unable to watch his children (Edgar and Eliza) since Jonathan’s brother is in the hospital.  So both kids are at rehearsal, along with Maggie’s daughter Penelope.
• Jonathan and Maggie work to get the kids settled and focused on a movie and toys. 
• Edgar has a meltdown, and Eliza won’t leave Jonathan’s arms.
• Edgar eventually settles down to play with Penelope in a room adjacent to the studio.
• Jonathan must do almost everything with Eliza in his arms or burying herself in his legs:  warm-up, physically test out and demonstrate choreographic ideas, shakily film the video run through.
• Maggie pauses from rehearsing to take out crayons and paper and demonstrate drawing when Eliza becomes particularly fussy.
• Maggie’s subtle facial expressions as she performs the work communicate compelling emotional experiences.

JONATHAN

• Excited to implement the new denouement he envisioned after the last rehearsal.
• Tries to figure out how to “get [his] head in the game,” given the distractions of the kids.  He can’t start working even when Maggie is ready.  He eventually puts on music, walks back and forth while holding Eliza, playfully dances with her, and moves his body while thinking and preparing.  By finding a physical outlet, he then gets into the zone to create.
• Uses a variety of tools to give notes to Maggie: imagery, physical demonstration, theme interpretation, rhythmic vocalizations, and encouragement to bring her own interpretations and idiosyncratic experiences into the movement.
• Clarifies tempo in a series of phrases.
• Notes which movements should be sharper and heavier.
• Demonstrates how to make particular movements more dramatic.
• Wants more tempo variation in certain movement phrases.
• Explains that in the beginning Maggie can play with uneven timing.  The emotional story can come through even more through the timing and texture of simple movements.
• Verbally reviews the 3 central themes with Maggie.  Elaborates on the theme of a woman in contemplation; the woman is considering many different notions as communicated by quick tempo of certain gestures.  The subsequent slowing down of the movements conveys her attempt to keep from being overwhelmed by circumstances in her life.
• Plays with a particular phrase to make it better reflect his style.  Reviews and adjusts details of gestures.
• Wants Maggie to infuse another round of repeated movement phrases with new information her character now has at this point in her journey.
• Plays with dynamics and accents.
• Asks Maggie to tap into how these movements feel to her as both a character and performer.
• Clarifies ending of first section, making changes from the last rehearsal.  Adds movement here.  Changing the flip of the hand within one gesture makes a big difference.  Jonathan changes certain movements that feel too literal and derivative so they become more organic and in sync with his image of the piece.  Clarifies more rhythm/timing.
• Notes they are starting to get in to the “meat of the material.” 

MAGGIE

• Reviews video of last rehearsal and works on some arm movements in conjunction with the video.
• Jonathan demonstrates and clarifies a movement phrase that Maggie can’t remember.  Plays music of this segment so she can better sync her movements with the music.
• Happy that Jonathan removed a physically challenging phrase at the end of the first movement and added more gestures.  As a result, Maggie feels more connectedness artistically and the sequence of material seems more natural.
• Tries to incorporate as many of Jonathan’s notes as she can during the video run-through.

​JONATHAN

• Getting the kids ready to go to rehearsal was really stressful.  At the same time, he was excited to work with Maggie.  Knowing that the children would be present, he was ready to embrace whatever happens.  Had no expectations to work on new material.  Planned to mold the work that was already done, focusing on timing, texture, and dynamics.  Decided he would be ok with whatever amount of time they were actually able to work.
• Edgar’s meltdown upon arriving at the studio is unexpected.  He is seemingly inconsolable.  Jonathan is now in a foul mood, trying to figure out how to mentally prepare to work.  Decides to listen to Maggie and Sherri’s conversation and “get in to” their energy.  He finally gets inspired by moving to beautiful music.
• Feels pleased after the first run-through, feeling it confirms his decision to resist adding movement.
• Reveals that the piece so far is tapping into deep emotions.
• Loves the choreography and realizes, “I did it!”  He has created a piece he is proud of.
• Notes that in his former professional career, he always came to rehearsal prepared.  Now, he is usually unable to prepare at home, so he must do it at the beginning of rehearsal.
• Watching his kids run around, he is reminded of the strict studio etiquette he followed during his years as a dancer and choreographer.  While it eventually made sense to him back then, he now questions its rigidity.  He sees how odd studio rules seem to outsiders.  Moreover, he realizes that strict adherence to the rules can feel inhuman.  He is learning to “forgive [himself]” for not adhering to these rules any longer.  He had been worried that compromising on the rules would compromise his art.  He now sees that this fear never materialized; the quality of his work with Maggie is proof that his art has not suffered from his new approach.
• Experiences stressful health and developmental stage issues with his children.  Always hard to accomplish agenda for the day when dealing with so many unanticipated and constantly changing demands and challenges.
• Difficulty tolerating conflicting feelings and inclinations with regard to career and family.  Trying to be involved in a number of small projects while devoting sufficient time and attention to his kids.  Hard to do when kids demand his attention and present him with so many needs to address.  Attempts to take care of these needs AND participate in his artistic projects at the same time.  Winds up being pulled in 2 different directions, feeling both frustrated and guilty.
• Entered into discussions about new business venture with the understanding that his participation has to be limited.  Yet, exciting developments prompt him to become more involved in discussions; his creative self is stimulated and generates ideas he then shares.  He worries that this increased participation will lead him to overcommit himself.  This situation triggers guilt that he has not maintained his boundaries; he’s supposed to limit his work time to ensure he can devote enough time to his family.  He then reacts by “backpedaling,” further compounding the guilt.
• Often frustrated when he can’t “manifest what is in [his] head.”  He only has tiny windows of time to feed his artistic self.  He feels so frustrated when his attempts to create don’t work out that he feels like completely walking away from the endeavors.  After processing with Sherri, he realizes that “walking away” would keep him from having to sit with uncomfortable feelings.
• Jonathan and Sherri identify several preconceived ideas, faulty attributions, and self-blame that are the real sources of his distress.
• Experiences sense of disorientation and confusion since, in his former professional life, he learned to focus on 1 thing at a time for maximum effectiveness and accomplishment.  Now, he is stretched among several projects and parenting responsibilities.  Trying to trust his current inclinations, but worries that he’s not doing what he’s “supposed” to do.  Is it ok to spend a little time in a number of areas or should he focus most of his time on one?  Jonathan and Sherri discuss engaging in whatever outlet he desires at any point in time – knowing that these endeavors will shift back and forth between front and back burner.

MAGGIE

• Entered rehearsal feeling emotionally ready to work without any sense of pressure or anxiety.  Felt very “zen” and wasn’t worried about living up to any expectations.
• Had fun moving in Jonathan’s work and thought rehearsal was successful.

Jonathan and Maggie are unable to rehearse as planned.  However, Jonathan and Sherri have a phone meeting to process a myriad of internal and external dynamics that are influencing Jonathan's approach to his work.

​SHERRI

• Jonathan and Maggie were unable to rehearse last week.
• Sherri observes that Jonathan and Maggie continually communicate as the process evolves.  Although Maggie likes simply receiving direction, their process is typical of Jonathan’s collaborative approach with his dancers.  Together they figure out what does and does not work.  In fact, Maggie’s “error” today becomes movement that Jonathan intends to incorporate into the dance.
• The languid nature of the initial part of the piece allows us to see wonderful details such as the micro movements of Maggie’s fingers.  Her hands are very expressive.  She has beautiful extension of her arms, great control of her upper body, and always draws out her movements.  A sense of calm pervades her performance in this section.
• There are several repeated motifs and phrases that prompt the viewer to ponder their meaning.
• Sherri notices that Jonathan expresses his excitement when Maggie executes the choreography as he has envisioned it.

JONATHAN

• Although a sketch of this first section is finished, he is still not happy with all of the material.
• He decides to cut some repetitive material and make a new phrase.
• First teaches the phrase without music, then adds music.  Indicates that this new material should be the most “fiery” part of this section of the dance.
• Principal focus again on arm choreography.  Detailed descriptions of angle and placement of arms, wrists, and hands.
• Likes Maggie’s change of rib position and reminds her to lead movements with her back and ribs.  Feels that the entire piece comes to life when she makes this adjustment.
• Continues to utilize repetition of small phrases to make bigger ones.
• Runs entire piece to see what feels right.
• Describes qualities he is seeking in a specific series of movement phrases: “sailing up”, then “dropping down as if surrendering.”  Asks for Maggie’s hips to drop further to achieve this effect.
• Likes a particular movement Maggie executes and incorporates it into the piece.
• Decides to move a particular phrase to a later point in the work.
• Reconsiders a segment toward the end of the first section in which he has Maggie repeat an earlier phrase.  Now feels that the repeated phrase is not interesting enough and is not the right dynamic.  He wants a quick tempo and sharp dynamic because the character is in her most frenetic state at this point.
• Conflicted about the final pose of this section; he loves his original choice, but ultimately decides to move it to the end of the third section of the piece.
• Acknowledges that Maggie’s current focus is remembering the choreography and finding it in her own body.  As the process continues, Jonathan will work with Maggie on finessing the movements.
• Jonathan is so pleased with the progress to date.  He loves the musicality of the piece.  It requires Maggie to find a body rhythm and figure out how long each movement intrinsically takes.  Maggie then finds impulses in the music to latch on to…like a duet with the music.  Jonathan creates a lot of his dances this way.  It is a particular choice that allows the dance to have its own life, separate from the music…yet, the music and dance ebb and flow in a synergistic way.  This approach is different from a set, prescribed musicality.  This way of dancing works with the romantic style of music Jonathan has selected.  In contrast, he could not have used Baroque, pop, or classical styles of music as they are very metered.
• As always, he videos the final run-through.

MAGGIE

• Concerned about her ability to retain the choreography as the piece gets longer.
• Asks Jonathan where he wants her visual focus at certain moments.
• Describes feeling and understanding the music which enables her to predict where she wants to be at a certain point in the music.  The particular style of the music makes it possible for her to feel it in her body.
• Asks to see the last video to remind her of the choreography so far.  This helps her to clarify the choreography and see where she was rushing a certain section.
• Body feels tight, tired, and not properly warmed up.
• Explains that every rehearsal of this work is a physical challenge.  In a manner of speaking, Maggie is “retired” -- she no longer teaches or takes ballet class.  She is physically active, hiking and taking Pilates classes, but is not in the same condition as she was when she was active as a professional dancer.
• As a self-described “older” dancer, she particularly enjoys the opening segment of this piece.  The section is slow, she primarily uses her upper body, she has memorized the movements, and she feels comfortable.  She loves the gestural-type of movement phrases as she is in a place of pure expression and can “really be a dancer.”  She can focus on upper body artistry instead of the technical virtuosity required by her past professional ballet work as well as her previous work with the Cunningham technique.
• However, as the rehearsals progress, she feels greater physical challenges.  The choreography is building in difficulty and intensity while her body feels stiff and weak -- “old.”  She has trouble finding her core.  She worries whether she can physically execute what the dance will require of her.  Each rehearsal, she has about two or three “tries” to learn the choreography and hopes it “turns out ok.”
• The phrases that require her to repeatedly go up and down are particularly difficult; she says her thighs feel so tight that it seems as if she has no strength.  At moments like this, she wonders whether she is too old to do this work.
• The technical difficulties Maggie experiences at this time of her life are particularly striking as she was always considered to be a very technical dancer during her professional career.

​SHERRI

• Maggie handles periodic interruptions by her daughter with impressive calm, kindness, and patience.  She whispers quietly to Penelope and guides her to a part of the room set up for her to play.

JONATHAN

• Feels he has to “dig deep” with this solo in order to create a work that is so slow and steady…like a deep meditation.  In contrast, so much of today’s choreography across genres is so frenetic.  Recognizes that “slowing the brain down” is good, but it also allows more room for doubt to creep in.  Tries to remind himself that he could make fast-paced work, but is choosing to slow down.
• A recent trip to Arizona (accompanying his wife on a business trip) highlighted and confirmed this inclination toward calm and introspection.  Described being surrounded by stillness and a “quiet, static beauty” that moved him spiritually.  The sky, mix of flat land with mountains, profusion of cactus plants, and singing birds as the only sound all contributed to an “expansive” experience he longs to hold on to.  His artistic self was also stimulated by the design and architecture of his Frank Lloyd Wright hotel.  Even caring for his sick children on the trip forced him to slow down.  Experiences Arizona as a “whole different world.”  Brings these internal experiences into rehearsal.
• Jonathan comes in today preoccupied with a variety of personal and professional challenges: challenges as a father, challenges maintaining his home, challenges with other artistic projects.  He looks forward to rehearsal today as a way to get his mind off of these issues.  Reminds himself to stay grounded in the work as this is what he loves to do.
• Maggie has to arrive late.  While it allows Jonathan to stretch and do some processing, the delay cuts into already limited rehearsal time.  However, he totally relates to the difficulty Maggie has getting to rehearsal and is grateful for the time they have together.
• Reminds himself that there is no deadline for this work.   “It’s all part of the design” -- room for lateness, interruptions from their kids.  From the beginning Jonathan has acknowledged and allowed for the contextual elements of artists who are also primary caregivers.  This “looser” way of operating is completely different from the dynamics he experienced in his professional dance career: totally professional atmosphere, starting on time, complete focus on the work, structured, prescribed environment, and the expectation that you leave all of your personal drama outside the studio.
• Pleased with this solo.  Tough to have confidence in an approach centered on quiet and stillness…yet, this is precisely his instinct, so he’s trying to trust it.  Every time Maggie runs through the piece, emotions well up within Jonathan; this experience tells Jonathan that “it’s right, it’s working.”
• Realizes that this piece is coming out at this time because it is what his “soul is asking for.”  In the past, most of his work was an outgrowth of a more cognitive artistic vision.  Now, he finds his work is a byproduct of a greater integration of intellectual and visceral impulses.
• In addition to this project, Jonathan is currently in discussions regarding a possible new business venture.  While he is excited about the project’s potential, these discussions ignite an internal dichotomy -- a desire to create commercial work on one hand vs. an impulse to create more organic, artistically driven work.  This new project would satisfy the commercial inclinations, but he is not in that place in his life right now; he is not focused on commercial viability.  Fortunately, the project is being planned for a future period of time.  Nevertheless, the duality he experiences triggers self-doubt.  Sherri and Jonathan discuss the coexistence of conflicting impulses, noting that he can act on either inclination given what feels authentic at any point in time.  There are no rights or wrongs here.  

MAGGIE

• Looked forward to rehearsal as she and Jonathan were unable to meet last week.
• Although she feels frustrated by her body’s limitations (muscle tightness and decreased strength), this feeling doesn’t affect the rest of her day.  The frustration is outweighed by enjoyment of a fulfilling artistic experience.   
• The novelty of coming to rehearsal is wearing off for her daughter Penelope; joining mom in the studio is no longer as interesting, so it’s harder for Maggie to get out the door with her to go to rehearsal.  She must prepare everything so she can take Penelope to preschool right after rehearsal.  It is also difficult to deal with Penelope’s needs as they arise while in the studio.  All of these challenges can be stressful.
• Feels somewhat fragmented as she and Jonathan only rehearse once a week.
• Realizing she can be a caregiver AND collaborate with a colleague she respects.

Jonathan and Maggie miss the next rehearsal due to conflicting commitments.